is wine microwaveable?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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