i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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