he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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