She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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