tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
