Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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