He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
