Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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