Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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