And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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