you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
