The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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