I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
