I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
