just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
even my farts smell like vagina
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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