6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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