that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This is the high leading the old right now
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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