Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
