sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
