I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
