Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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