Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
