just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize