Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
