yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
