Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
