2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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