Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
