Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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