This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
