New invention idea: vibrating tampons
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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