I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize