i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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