Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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