I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
