he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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