Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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