Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
