??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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