There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
