I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
