Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
