im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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