can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
