but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
