I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
