At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
