My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
