Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
