Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
