Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
