so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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