If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
