I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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