theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
