She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
