Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
