There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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