I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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