Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
