i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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