So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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