someone get that fucking seahorse.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
