I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
