I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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