Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
