I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
