i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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