I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
