If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
