You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Even my vagina gasped.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
