I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
