dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
