Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
