no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
