I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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