Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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