I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Pants are for mortals
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
