All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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