You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
